April 24, 2008

Alyona, Kristina, & Vitya

The Emotional Roller Coaster

Mariya met us this morning to take us for a walk.  We went to the bank to get Kaz money (Tenge) and then to the market to buy some toys, fresh fruit and juice to take as gifts to the orphanage.  After dropping the items at the apartment Mariya gave us a walking tour.   During our walk Mariya got a phone call that Alyona had thought about the adoption but decided she wanted to stay in Petropavlovsk and not move to America.  Mariya scheduled a meeting with for all of us to meet with Alyona  at 2PM to discuss her concerns and reasons for not wanting to leave.

We did not want to convince her to do something she felt in her heart she did not want to do.   It was a very emotional meeting with Julie and I watching a lot of discussion in Russian going back and forth with Mariya, Alyona and the social worker.   We all felt her concerns were based on fear and the huge change she would have make.   She knows what her life is right now and it is safe and comfortable in the boarding school.   Coming to a new country with a new family, new language, and no friends has her scared to death.  

She said she had an aunt and grandmother she did not want to leave.   Mariya and the social worker told her they do not come to see her or Vitya and Kristina.   She said she knows but they are still family.   She also has a boy friend.   We asked if she had any questions or concerns about Julie and I and Florida and our family.  She said she heard some international adoptions the parents turn out to be mean and hurt the children.   We explained the detailed background checks that our government conducts to ensure we are good parents.  We also explained there have been many more good adoptions but the news only talks about the bad ones. 

She had questions about our schools.  About where would Vitya and Kristina go to school, how far is this from our house.   The conversations in Russian with Mariya and Alyona and the social worker went on for quite some time.   Since we only know a few words and they talk so fast we tried to read the emotions and body language. It did not appear to be going very well.   She said she wanted to visit her aunt and discuss with her if it was OK for the adoption to move forward.   Plans were being made to go visit her aunt.  Sasha’s (our driver ) car only holds 5 people.  Since the social worker must go on this visit either Julie or I had to stay behind.   Alyona wanted Julie to go on the trip.

After a lot of conversation back and forth Mariya told us that Alyona decided we would go to the orphanage to visit Vitya and Kristina.   The one hour ride to the orphanage gave us all a chance to talk to each other and learn about each other.  Alyona was becoming more relaxed and not feeling as much pressure.   We learned she likes music, reading and she writes poetry.  Her favorite American group is Linkin Park.  She very calmly told us about her growing up and her family situation and about her brother and sister.  Some of the stories were very sad for us but she said it was not because of her or Vitya or Kristina it is “how life is”.   We were becoming more and more impressed with her each kilometer.

At the orphanage we got to see Kristina first then Vitya came also.   They both came in and gave their sister a bug hug and kiss.   They have not seen each other in a couple of weeks. We all got a chance to play with each other.   Mariya and Alyona continued to talk while Julie and I played with Vitya and Kristina.   Mariya told us later that Alyona asked Vitya if he wanted to be adopted and go to America.  He told her yes, only if you come.  Kristina also told her she wanted to be adopted by us.   These decisions are easier for the little ones.

After an hour or so we started to make our journey back to Petro.   On the way to the car Mariya told Julie and I “we will try this all together”.   I was not sure if I heard we will go or she will go (to America).  And Mariya clarified that Alyona said should would come to America.   We gave her a big hug.   We continued to talk about how everything would be in America and try to answer all her questions.   She is a very smart and brave young lady.  

We left her telling her we will see her tomorrow to go and visit Vitya and Kristina again.   Hopefully she still wants to be adopted tomorrow.

The Hrenko Family

Adoption Journey to Kazakhstan

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